“Joy is the most vulnerable emotion we experience, and if you cannot tolerate joy, what you do is you start dress rehearsing tragedy.” – Brené Brown

The first time I had a pregnancy test come back positive, I felt nervous and afraid, but Drew was supportive and delighted. The second time around, we were both thrilled. Neither of these circumstances resulted in me giving birth, and the latter of the two felt particularly devastating. When a friend who also knew the pain of pregnancy loss consoled me, she emphasized the importance of letting myself feel excitement when and if I might navigate these possibilities again.

I am glad that she reminded me of how important that kind of vulnerability is. I had already read Brown’s words and knew the truth of that, but it can feel difficult to allow oneself to fully experience joy after the pain of loss. My husband was more hesitant to share his joy in response to my suspicions or even to respond to my excitement. I can appreciate that he wanted to protect me from the potential grief that could be right around the corner. However, I approached my pregnancy that resulted in our baby, Aedan, knowing how important it was to me to not let my previous experiences steal my joy. The possibility of loss was almost always in the forefront of my mind. Yet, on the other hand, there is much less I have taken for granted now on my journey of pregnancy, birth, and parenthood.

The chance of tragedy may be constant but sometimes things turn out more seemingly magical than we could imagine. Remind us that rather than being consumed with anxiety, it is even more reason to fully experience awe, wonder, joy, pleasure, and excitement. May we imagine and know gratitude for all that seems to go right and hold tenderly the deep losses and grief that coexist. Help our hearts lighten up when it is needed. Let our souls hold space for a wide range of feeling.

What is happening this week…

Macey Forsyth will be guiding Children’s Chapel this Sunday and is working on confirming a co-facilitator. Keri Johnson and Julia Hamann are planning to be present to care for our youngest visitors in the nursery.